I want a baby in my belly

CD 4

So, I’m not at the gym.  I went to the gym and the parking lot was so full, I talked myself right out of it.  And promptly drove myself to Sonic.  Yeah, I'm a role model.  I came home and decided if I wasn’t going to the gym, I would at least do something useful. I am determined to get my Christmas tree up tonight.  Well, this week.  No, tonight!  I see the wonder in your eyes, how can she be putting up that tree and writing about it at the same time?!?  So, I’m lazy.  But I will get my tree up tonight.  And I will have pretty pictures of it.

Lets talk about why I was so irritated this morning.  Hubby’s alarm goes off at 4am.  Eww.  Most mornings I don't hear it, and since I am the lightest sleeper in the world, I assume its because its turned down.  Naturally.  This morning it goes off jarring me out of my first full nights sleep since my period started.  He hits snooze.  Ten minutes later, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ… are we seeing a pattern?  Snooze.  Ten minutes later, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ.  Snooze.  Is it 4:30 yet, cause that’s when he finally decided to get up and turn it off.  By then, I was fully awake and fuming.  The thing that’s bothering me the most: I don't have 3 hours of sleep before I have to take my temp.  The thing that’s keeping me up: what if this happens all the time?  Do I really need to change my temp time to 4am???  That’s crazy talk!  So I took it at 5, after I’d already been up, and its still down from yesterday.  Hold on, I want to look that up.  Turns out it is normal for it to drop during your period.  I’m very anxious to see if I can track my ovulation with my temps.  I’m ready to move on into this month!  According to my forecast, ovulation should occur mid month.  I will be paying special attention, since I am heading up north for Christmas, leaving hubby behind.  I’m praying that I don't run that late on schedule.  I don't know why I’m so worried about it.  With my cycles pretty much on schedule every month, but what if something is wrong?  And what if something IS wrong?  Why have we waited so long to find this out?  Those last 2 questions are overwhelming to me.  I feel good that I can now say I want to get pregnant and have a baby so badly.  I now can honestly say I want it more than it scares me.  Although I will admit, it still scares me a little to have a baby, to raise a child, to shape a whole person.  But I can’t wait!  This thought brings tears to my eyes.  I’m getting emotional now.  What I need is a nice hot shower, and pretty sparkling lights.  =)

BBT: 97.0
Flow: Medium - Light (she's on her way out)
Symptoms: Irritated this morning, but I know the reason (damn alarm clock)
Feelings: I was too busy to feel anything today.

Monday.

CD 3

This morning started off with a call to the dr. to make my appointment for the next round of blood work.  [I am having my progesterone levels checked to verify that I have ovulated.]  Last cycle, because of timing, we tested on CD 22, and this cycle we’re going to check on CD 21.  Except that the office and lab close early on Fridays, so we’ll see how that goes.  Last test gave us a reading of 4, which is low.  But apparently is affected by many things, and doesn’t really tell you anything.  After this next test, I am going to request a salvia test, which is a lot more accurate.  Although, this month, I feel very confident with checking my BBT, that I will be able to tell them if this test is completely useless at the time.

In the last month, I have learned more about my body should, can, and is doing than I’ve ever been taught growing up – going through it!  I have to say, I feel let down by our school health classes.  And dare I say parents too?  I think every girl should know exactly what goes on, past “you bleed once a month”.  In my opinion, it would help control teenage pregnancy if girls knew exactly when they could get pregnant, and avoid that window.  If would also help young girls, young women (hell, every woman) know sooner if something isn’t right.  Imagine discovering a problem, on your own, and in time to fix it!  I want to teach this to my daughters.  I find it fascinating what the female does.  Men will never understand, and it’s a shame that so many women won’t either.

BBT: 97.16
Flow: Heavy, slowing
Symptoms: No pain, no cravings.

Feelings: Pretty content so far today

Blah Day

CD 2

Hubby started a new job a few weeks ago, and now works on the weekends. I don't really like this, I miss him today. In fact, I’ve been clingy the last few months. I will even suffer through football games just to sit and watch TV with him. So on a day like today, when I feel kinda crappy, and crampy, is it too much to ask to not be all alone today?

I had trouble sleeping last night. Many things could be the cause of this: my period, which I never sleep well during, knowing that I started tracking my BBT this morning, or fighting off a cold. I’m trying so hard not to get sick.
Tomorrow I will be starting back on my diet (my cleanse), and I will begin training for the first time ever! I have 20 weeks, to get ready for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It’s a 2-day event, totaling 39.3 miles. (http://www.avonwalk.org/houston/) I have never done anything like this in my whole life, and I can’t think of a better reason to start than to help fight breast cancer. Tomorrow morning will start with a shake, salad for lunch, and shake for dinner. Not to mention, school on Monday nights. Training will be awful fun next semester, trying to fit it into a 3-day school schedule, and a full time job. Yea me! Hopefully by then, I will have the energy I need to keep it up. Signing up for the gym tomorrow. Best part: hubby is doing it with me!


BBT: 97.7 (my first recorded temp)
Flow: Heavy, as in the floodgates are wide open!
Symptoms: Cramps started last night, and continue today. Right now, about 3-4 (on a scale of 10). Not hungry at all today, don't really want to eat.
Feelings: Ehh... Id really just like to stay in bed and do nothing.

A little history

I have begun many journeys recently, but deciding to have a baby tops my list. Several of my decisions all run together, starting with weight loss. I have a fear that being overweight will hinder, if not halt my being able to conceive. I have tried what feels like every diet, but if I were honest, I'd say more like very few. When you are on a diet, the world stops, time stops, and fun stops. I am angry, grumpy, irritated and an overall 'joy' to be around. HA! I give up very easily, and I tend to be disappointed in myself most of the time. Earlier this year, one of my very best friends introduced me to Isagenix. (www.isagenix.com) I tried it for 30 days and lost 20 lbs! And felt amazing! I tried to stay on the program and fell off the wagon when I couldn’t afford more products.

Two months later, in October, we decided to actively try to have a baby. I am 30, my husband is 33 and we certainly are not growing younger. We were married in May 2008. My baby clock has been ticking for years! So needless to say, I am more than happy to be taking this road. I have done some research, and have had priceless advice from friends, and have many things to look forward to. Many women try for months or even years before finding information of what could be wrong. I feel that I'm already at an age that I don’t have time to waste. My periods are pretty normal right now, I cycle at 32 days. I am in the process of trying to figure out exactly when I ovulate, and hopefully discovering that I do. I am tracking my progress on Fertility Friend (www.fertilityfriend.com) and I am just starting my second cycle with this. So far I have been tracking my CM (cervical mucus), and I am thinking today of buying a basal thermometer.

I have set up this blog as a way for my to make notes, compare days, and release frustrations. Today is my CD 1 (cycle day 1, meaning: 1st day of my period).

Flow: Light-Medium
Symptoms: No pain; very hungry
Feelings: It’s a good day. =)